Tevye the Milkman from the famous musical “Fiddler on the Roof” had seven daughters and … seven problems. He wanted to keep his children close to himself as long as possible, but he knew very well that sooner or later they would fly away from his nest. His constant anxiety was to find them good husbands. Times have changed, but not so much. Many parents still may think about their children’s matrimonial plans with trepidation.
A friend of mine had the same concern as that milkman from the 19th-century village of Anatevka. She is a mother of four: two sons and two daughters. In fact, her anxiety mainly concerns her daughters since her sons are happily married and very devoted to their wives and children.
The older daughter, Susan, while a sophomore in college, met a very interesting man, Greg. He was four years older than she, and he was financially independent. It seemed that they had a lot in common: similar interests and the same sincerity, among others. It was not a long time before their friendship changed into a deep affection. It was Susan’s first love; for Greg, his second one, but by far the most serious. Soon they started thinking about marriage. Everything looked very good. There was just one problem, however. Greg was an atheist like his mother and father. Being an atheist or a member of a non-Christian religion does not constitute an obstacle for a valid Catholic marriage, but it wasn’t an element enhancing his unity with Susan. Nevertheless, to be able to spend more time with her, he accompanied Susan to Mass every Sunday. These visits and conversations with Susan placed before him a very profound question from which he was not able to escape: “Are all these Catholic beliefs true or is all of this just an additional social activity?” The alternative that God actually exists started to germinate in his soul in a serious way. To know more, he started to attend bible study courses in a parish close to his apartment. Soon he realized that no power on earth was able to stop his journey to God, and he began his official preparation for baptism. He devoted himself to learning the Catholic faith very seriously. A few months later, he proposed to Susan, and they began the wedding preparations, which were to take place several months after his baptism.
My friend was in seventh heaven hearing such news. She was to give her daughter away in marriage and a heavy burden was taken off her heart. Her joy was all the greater because Susan was to marry a Catholic man.
The only thing left to do before the wedding ceremony was to finish a Pre-Cana course. This easy thing proved to be the most difficult. It turned out to be a complete disaster – not because the person running it was incompetent or boring; on the contrary, the course was very good. In fact, it was too good. After several meetings, Susan came to the conclusion that she was not ready for marriage, and she broke off the engagement. This happened after all the preparations were completed: invitations were sent, the family members from Poland and England had already bought the airline tickets, the church and banquet hall were reserved, and the music band was partially paid. The day before her crucial decision they even spent a whole day looking for furniture for their future apartment. Both Susan and Greg were crying. Tears were also flowing from my friend’s eyes, as Greg had become like a son to her. She was waiting for a miracle, but it did not happen. Susan didn’t change her mind.
Well, what could the brokenhearted Greg do? He had to recover from the shock, and the sooner, the better. Nobody would be surprised if he immediately fell in love with another woman. It also seemed logical that he would distance himself from God who entered into his life because of Susan. No such things happened. It is true that he found a new girl, but that was later. However, he did not abandon his new faith. It became clear that accepting the faith was not an opportunist’s move — the means to win over a beloved woman nor the way to secure unity in a future family. Without a doubt, it was Susan who gave him the direct stimulus for his finding God, but it was Greg himself who took the decisive step towards Him. She opened her prospective husband, Greg, to a world unknown to him: the world of spirituality, the world of God and His Church. All of this was because of Susan, no doubt. But Greg’s faith, like the faith of any adult person, must be a personal decision and not the decision of his or her fiancé, parents, friends or someone else. Looking for God seriously and continuously can bring us to such a deep faith that it can resist storms and radiate its beauty to others.
Fr. Mark Jurzyk